Thich Nhat Hanh’s teaching for peace in parenting: towards ourselves and others

Today, I am reflecting on the heartfelt teachings of Thich Naht Hanh.

I want to offer one of his teachings as a prayer and practice of peace for myself and all other mothers.

“Compassionate listening is to help the other side suffer less. If we realize that other people are the same people as we are, we are no longer angry at them.”

I believe mothers are wonderful at offering compassion for their children to help them suffer less….though less so to themselves and other mothers.

I know that when my son is suffering, as he is today- fussy with a cold (and napping more, so I can write this), it’s easy to make time to hold him, read to him and help him feel at peace. When I am sick, it’s hard for me to allow the same space to feel comforted. I believe I should feel better. I am often frustrated with myself when I’m not feeling well. To that Thich Nhat Hanh states:

“The practice of deep listening should be directed towards oneself first. If you don’t know how to listen to your own suffering, it will be difficult to listen to the suffering of another person or another group of people.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

This reminds me to take time to listen to myself. To listen to what I’m needing, even when there are many demands on my energy and time. I can always reach out to a friend for help. Or I can stop for a few moments to drink some tea while being present and tuning-in.

As Hanh states in many of his meditations, “Breathing in, I acknowledge the pain, breathing out I smile to the pain.” Yes, the pain is there and yet, I can offer a smile of compassion to myself.

I know when I make time for listening to myself and honoring my needs during the day and week, I’m exponentially more able to offer the same to my son, and others in my life. I feel it’s one of my primary jobs as a mother, to nourish myself.

It’s a challenge to listen to others who have different parenting styles. There is a lot of judgement and anger around parenting styles.

I felt it a lot in the first months of motherhood. When I tuned into myself, I understood the anger in myself, and others, arose from confusion. There is confusion of what’s truly important in parenting. I believe it is compassionate listening towards ourselves, our children and our community, regardless of parenting styles. Going back to the beginning quote,

“Compassionate listening is to help the other side suffer less. If we realize that other people are the same people as we are, we are no longer angry at them.”- Thich Nhat Hanh

My desire to transform confusion into compassion, through listening, is what fuels my inspiration on the path of helping parents.

Instead of “you should” or “I can’t believe she…”, let’s offer a smile of compassion when seeing another mother struggling and seeing the pain of her family; or a smile to yourself in the middle of the chaos and challenges of your life and those you love.

No matter the parenting style/theory/philosophy, the best parenting starts with listening to ourselves, then offering the gift of compassionate listening.

Starting with even a moment in a very busy day, it will add up. Eventually the moments of presence and listening will result in a well watered garden of blooming flowers.