What exactly is mother’s intuition? A hunch, a feeling or is it more?
We’ve all heard of mother’s intuition. What is it? It sounds amazing and like it could be a miraculous solution to all problems encountered as a mother. It could help you be that zen like mama, always in-tune with her little ones, with a smile on her face radiating bliss. Hmmm… maybe…close…no not really.
There are some big misconceptions on intuition, read about them here, “4 Biggest Misconceptions”
Okay, “What exactly is mother’s intuition”:
1. It is a knowing which arises from “tuning in”. Practice through taking a few breaths or creating space by just stopping for a moment, tuning into your belly- your gut- or breath, then tuning into your child. Observe him for a moment. Listen to the non-verbal communication or the type of cry. You might reflexively react to his cries with offering food or quickly trying to stop the cry. Instead, just take a moment to listen. Your intuition will kick in quicker with a practice in patient listening.
2. It is a muscle that is developed through training. The “knowing” often doesn’t come naturally to moms. In the U.S most parents haven’t spent loads of time with babies and children and haven’t had the opportunity to develop their intuition through previous practice or through spending loads of time around other moms.
It’s not something that usually just shows up once your baby is born. I’ve seen lots of moms hold themselves to high standards on their mother’s intuition. They feel they should have strong, clear intuition right away. This leads to a lot of “laying your trip” on your child or trying to keep them happy too often because of pushing yourself to be “in tune”, instead of taking time to pause and listen.
3. Intuition gets stronger the more you have confidence in your basic goodness and your child(ren)’s basic goodness. By basic goodness I mean that fundamentally you will do the best you can and are Good Enough. You child will do the best he can and with your help and guidance, will grow into his unique self. You will both have rough days, everyone does. Maybe even a rough year or two as stress happens in life.
He might seem like he is out to push every button you have for months on end. This could be true as it’s a toddler’s job to push limits to see where the limits are held and then they can relax and feel safe as they get a consistent sense of the limits. Even in these months, your child’s basic goodness is there!
In my years as a nanny, I learned about the long game with toddlers and seeing their basic goodness. One specific two year old boy was very challenging. On some days, he would fight me on everything during the day. He would fight with his older brother and even take the hand of his baby brother and hit himself with it and then cry, “He hit me!” I thought that he was on a terrible path. I was sure this kid had only the smallest amount of basic goodness and that it was quickly evaporating.
Luckily I stayed with the family for a few years and saw him grow into a kind, sweet, smart four year old. His family life was actually worse by the time he was four, so it wasn’t that something outside him got better, but he grew into himself. I found out that it is often the case with four year olds, they change from limit pushing 2 or 3 year olds, into lovely little people. It’s easier for me to see the basic goodness in 2 and 3 year olds now. I know to look for the seeds of who they will go into and not at the tantrum-ing, limit pushing kids they are now.
Looking for the seeds of basic goodness will help you focus on what your child needs in the long term, instead of the frustrations in the short term.
4. Your intuition will not always make you feel good but it will provide a sense of peace. Your intuition will help you tap into the basic goodness of yourself, your partner and your child by helping you relate to the underlying communication instead of the expressed communication of tantrums or crying.
Your intuition won’t always keep you feeling happy because intuition might tell you to hold a limit with your child instead of giving into a request. This means you know your frustration will be triggered because your limit will mean a likely tantrum, but overall more peace because you have that gut sense you are doing what’s best in the moment.
Your intuition will provide peace overall because when you are truly tuned into your intuition, the higher perspective of knowing, you will feel a sense of peace about your decisions and actions. If you feel an intuitive knowing that initially brings you more fear, more anger, then it’s not intuition, it’s fear.
For example, if your intuitive feeling gives you a vague feeling of dread over something bad happening to your child, then it’s a fear, not intuition. When you have an intuitive sense that your child is in need of your help and is in danger, you will actually feel a sense of underlying peace even if there is concern, because you are responding to what is needed, not responding to a fear.
I love offering wisdom on intuition because my goal is to help moms be more confident, trusting and relaxed. When your intuition is developed through practices of patience, listening and tuning into your children, then you can BE the calm, confident leader your children need you to be! You are laying the foundation for your family in peace instead of fear, trust instead of worry. It’s a beautiful thing!
