Oh You Got Lucky With That Baby
About our son, so often people would say to me, “Oh you got lucky, he’s such a happy baby.” After working with dozens of families with little ones, I can say it’s not luck! We can have so much influence over the temperament of our children. Yes, some are cranky and there’s no good explanation. Some are happy even though the parents are stressed and the environment is hectic. Both are the exceptions. After years of experience, now it’s easy to see why a kid is happy or cranky.
I had learned from other mothers what helped create happy babies. Stability, routine, enough sleep and a quiet environment were high on the list. We helped our son learn to sleep from an early age and kept his days predictable and quiet. Babies can thrive in many situations, but sleep and predictable schedule is vital for all.
The book “90 min sleep solution” confirmed what our tracking of his sleeping said, he wanted to nap every 90 min for the first few months of his life. Often he would go to sleep pretty easily and fuss/cry for a few min then he was out, sleeping soundly. Sometimes he wouldn’t sleep easily and would cry a bit longer. We were all learning and it felt like the heavens opened up when he started sleeping though the night at 11 weeks, consistently by the end of 12 weeks.
Though I have never ever been able to stick to a daily routine or rhythm for myself, I knew from seeing other happy babies, my main job was to help him have a rhythm to his day. Not a set routine, but a fairly predictable rhythm with variations based on his cues. There was often variables based on what he seemed to need that day. More milk, less sleep, more sleep…usually not less milk, he was a chunky guy.
When we would travel out of state, he would be very fussy the day and day after travel. He was off his rhythm. I could tell he was dis-regulated. His fussiness over dis-regulation helped confirm that all the work of keeping his days quiet and predictable was essential in helping him be regulated and therefore happy.
Though even with crazy schedules for the first year or two, kids can regulate and relax pretty quickly with a predictable schedule to their day.
So, if you are feeling unlucky with your baby or toddler, I promise there are ways to help your child be a “happy” child. Even if your child pushes your buttons and pushes limits frequently, she can still be an overall happy kid. It really depends on the specific temperament of your child as to what will work best.
I have a strong intuitive sense of what works for each individual child, developed from years of experience, and it’s why I love my work. As an outsider to your family, I can see your child with perspective that is tricky for a parent. Together we can help your fussy, cranky child thrive and shine from his own unique personality.
