3 Ways To Stop Toddler Biting
Stopping your toddler from biting people or pets is important for their emotional health. When a child bites and hurts another person or pet, they will feel badly, even if they don’t show it.
It is important to understand why your toddler is biting, in order to help them stop. When you can intuitively know why she was biting, by taking a moment to assess the situation, then you can react in a way that’s most helpful. Read “Why Do Toddlers Bite?”
The first way to stop a toddler from biting: If your child bites you, it’s ok to give an honest reaction (keep it simple, “Ow that hurt, I’m walking away) then get up and walk away. Even babies know what we are saying at an early age. Luckily, even when your child bites you, he loves you. So, when you walk away, they instinctively understand what just happened didn’t work for mom, so she left. That’s no fun when someone you love leaves because of your action. Walking away is a good natural consequence.
If your child bites another child, say “No biting” pick him up and leave the area. As you walk away, reflect what happened. “You bit Jacob, it hurt him, we are leaving the room” (or the area, you don’t need to leave the building). Stay away for a few minutes or until he calms down.
The second way to stop a toddler from biting: Some kids are very oral and love exploring the world through their mouth. Others have a hard time using their words and bite instead, especially developmentally delayed kids. When a child is developmentally able to use another object to bite, around age 3 or older, you can give her a necklace or bracelet with a chewable object on it. They sell ones specifically for kids to bite instead of mouthing or biting inappropriate objects. If your child hasn’t stopped biting with the first approach (give it a month or two of consistent use), then each your child to bite the necklace or bracelet when she wants to bite.
After they’ve mastered using the necklace instead of biting others, it’s best to wean your child off of the object if possible. To do this, reflect when they are biting the necklace and help them use their words, “You seem frustrated with your brother and you are biting your necklace. You can tell your brother you want the toy back.” It’s important not to micromanage your child during the weaning off the necklace phase, just give reflection here and there, not all the time or they will feel overwhelmed.
The third way to stop a toddler from biting: Be responsible for your part in their repeated biting. If the first two solutions aren’t working, then it’s very likely you as the parent are feeding the situation by giving the child a secondary gain from their behavior or by not preventing frustration from hunger or being overtired, or from repeated frustration by a sibling or friend.
Does your child enjoy the game of getting you upset? If you get really angry when he bites and you talk to him- even calmly- or yell for more than 10 seconds after the bite, then you are feeding the drama dragon. The drama dragon is fun for some kids…they might go into theater someday…but for now it’s frustrating.
Yes, it’s super frustrating when a child bites. It hurts and feels disrespectful.
An honest reaction of 2-3 seconds is ok, then let them know they’ve crossed a limit. “You bit me. It hurt.” Then just leave, don’t feed the drama dragon and then it won’t be a game. Or, let them know you will keep them safe if they bite someone else. Take him away from the situation, leave him in his room if he is in a tantrum and you can’t stand it (so you stay safe and don’t overreact) or just remove him, and with no emotion or words, just be in the room with him, so there is no secondary gain of the game: get mommy mad.
Also, make sure you aren’t setting your child up for failure by expecting too much. Kids need routine and consistent meals, sleep and limited stimulation. If there is too much stimulation with noise, kids or other adults, they might use biting as a release. Also, if a specific person is often frustrating them in a specific way, they might feel continually in need of protecting themselves. You, as the parent leader, need to step in and help your child feel safe. Generally, I advocate for kids to work out problems by themselves to develop self confidence, but if biting, hitting, etc is happening often, then it’s time to help out.
Repeated biting, hitting, anything that causes harm should be considered a limit or boundary the toddler shouldn’t cross. Whatever you have established as your “you’ve crossed a limit” routine to give the message that it’s not ok, should be implemented. You are keeping them from doing emotional damage to themselves and from hurting others. It’s a gift to help them stop biting and feel safe again. When they feel safe, they feel loved.
It’s best not to get emotional, just give an honest reaction. Owww, that hurt. You bit me, I didn’t like that. End of reaction, keep it simple. Don’t get dramatic or she might decide that was fun. If it’s one of the first time it’s happened, then get a toy ok for her to bite and tell her, “It’s ok to bite this, not ok to bite me.” If it happens more than a few times in a week, it’s not just exploration anymore.
It’s important to calmly let your child know you are the leader and they can count on you to help them understand what’s ok and what’s not and to set limits so he can feel safe knowing you won’t let him do harm to others.
