3 Reasons I’m Done with Positive Parenting Posts Shaming Moms

Okay, anyone else a little sick of reading the positive parenting, relationship parenting, cuddle parenting, warm fuzzies parenting blog posts that are pretty much just shaming moms for being human? Yes, the positive parenting sphere of parenting has some genuinely helpful advice.

I really appreciate the positive revolution to try to help parents connect and build trust with their kids. What doesn’t work for me is telling us stressed out moms we are screwing up their kids when we act human, without any direct advice on doing something helpful to change the dynamic.

The irony gives me a laugh, so I appreciate that. I guess I also appreciate their shaming because it keeps me motivated to offer something different. Something that’s real and directly helpful, not just judgement in the clothing of mom shaming.

If their blog titles were, “My blog about my frustrations and when I think moms are being crappy to their kids” instead of “my blog on positive parenting and always keeping a smile on your face” then I’d be fine with the posts.

What do I mean by the shaming posts? It seems so many Facebook parenting blog shares I read from my friends has a tone of shame to it. For instance, “Moms, you should be ashamed of yourself when you….yell at your kids, give a timeout when you are angry, are anything but loving and positive, etc, etc”. I get what they are saying and yes, a little more thoughtful parenting is great, but…how about some…well, positivity.

Yep, I have opinions and those could be seen as judgements, though I try to stay clear of shaming. I really appreciate that there are so many opinions and that we are free to voice any damn thing we think, no matter how bat shit crazy it might seem to someone else. I like being able to use swear words here and there too! Yes, parenting is full of frustrations and it’s fun to blog about them. But, here’s my solution…

And, I’m asking we raise the bar on what we are writing in the name of positive parenting.

Okay, my top three reasons I’m done with positive parenting posts that just mom shame:

1. Shame is one of the lowest vibrations. It is just never going to be the energy from which someone creates change. Reading the shaming post about how they are screwing up their kids by this and that, will just keep them stressed and feeling bad about themselves, which is part of the reason why they are doing what the posts are telling them not to do.

2. If we keep shaming each other as moms, nothing is really changing in terms of what we are modeling to our kids, even if our words are trying to be different. Actions speak louder than words.

3. I’d like to see us take responsibility as moms for our own stuff instead of putting it on others. Meaning, when I feel bad, I’m more judgmental. So, when I take responsibility for my yucky feelings and not put it on someone else, then everyone wins. That’s an awesome thing to model for kids.

These positive posts are saying, “I feel bad about my feelings of failure and so I’m going to call out other people’s stuff to try to feel better”. When I feel bad about my parenting or myself on a particular day, I tend to be most annoyed with other people. So, when I crawl outta my funk a little, I look at why I’m feeling bad about myself and give that a little love. I tend to see the best in others and how damn hard we are all working to do our best, once I’ve given myself a little love.

We can raise the bar of our posts by focusing on what would be a way to do parenting different that is helpful. Like, “Kids respond great when we listen and and let them know we hear their anger, sadness, frustrations, even when we don’t do anything else to make it better, often the reflection will be all they need to feel better.” More effective than say… “When we criticize our kids, they feel bad. Stop making your kids feel bad and be positive.”

Feels good to say that. Now I have to hold myself to the same bar, ha! Lemme know if I’m slipping into the shaming slope. It’ll be a good reminder I need to give myself a lil love.